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Trade secrets revealed
#149: How to throw a curve ball
Its symbolism and effect are both lauded and feared on baseball diamonds across this great nation. Yet more and more, the curveball has a rightful and versatile place in the modern business world. Bosses, underlings, clients and competitors must often be kept off balance, swinging without making contact, so that you, the practitioner, may move your own essential plans & projects forward with greater ease, sure-footing and reduced resistance. Is the curveball something you can introduce into your own corporate skill set? Are we at Great Jones willing and able to pull back the veil that separates you from this special and invaluable knowledge? On all counts, that’s a big yes. Yet beginners who seek the potency of the curveball - from cubicles to the boardroom - must adhere to a regimen of close study and practice, or risk being branded “wild cards” and “loose cannons” given obvious and embarrassing lack of mastery. [Please lean forward at this time and begin shielding your screen with coat or briefcase to prevent onlookers from reading on.] Successful practitioners prepare to release what seems to be a straight-forward pitch - i.e., a strategic insight, suggestion, rebuttal or plan - yet during the wind-up, they put a twist on that pitch at the last moment, causing it to spin diagonally or from side to side. That crucial last second spin causes the air around the pitch to travel faster at the bottom than it does at the top. Because it's going faster on the bottom, the pitch will suddenly veer downwards, just before it gets to the person(s) on the receiving end, who have only about one fifth of a second to get a good swing at what’s been unleashed. Used judiciously and without warning, the curveball injects a needed element of surprise and downright fun into any transaction or meeting, keeping those around you on their toes and guessing, while your rotate forward on your pivot foot, in full control.
#812: What really is an
“Atomic Knee Drop”& how can I harness
its powers in an office environment?
Shrouded in mystery since ancient times, the origins of the Atomic Knee Drop have now come glaringly to light and are being shared with you, the select few, for the first time thanks to the painstaking research and investigation of our crack team in R&D. The maneuver known as the “knee drop” within the world of scientific wrestling is both formidable and venerable, a signature “closing” move for hall-of-fame grapplers with a thirst for victory and long-term growth. The “Atomic” Knee Drop, however, appears to have accomplished the visionary pairing of the basic maneuver with the awesome atom-splitting power of nuclear physics, and was devised in 1947 during a lover’s spat between Los Alamos scientist Jordy Swickle and his pro-wrestling paramour, Hawaiian great Lei Lolani Kai. Translated to the office environment, the Atomic Knee Drop becomes an immediate aid to your business cause. Executed properly, its results are breathtaking. In your hands, the Atomic Knee Drop is nothing less than a “consensus builder” for co-workers that need the encouragement to get on board with the exciting strategic goals you’re championing. Clean, safe and easy to use in most business settings, the maneuver is always a show-stopper. Just imagine how quickly teams will get aligned with your objectives as you lift your opponent (the free-wheeling colleague) high in the air and drop them across your bent knee. It’s the fastest way to yes, and studies show that even the mere “telegraphing” of the motion breeds immediate agreement within a room. For those of you thinking out loud, “I can’t do that in that office,” rest assured that most typical business attire (suits, ties, skirts, blouses) will allow the full range of motion needed to perform this electrifying maneuver.
#82: Operating the
Great Jones Decoder Ring
Assuming you’ve sent in the required 33 Cream of Wheat box tops, received the Great Jones Decoder Ring in your mailbox under the stipulated alias, and have taken the “Sacred Oath of Trust” as administered by our Head of Shipping (Mr. B) over the phone most Wednesdays, you are now ready to spin the Wheels of Truth. Yes, it’s time to unlock heretofore impregnable codes to reveal the timely, earth-rattling messages dispatched regularly from deep within the executive bunker here at headquarters. Now, with quick work of the fingertips, you’ll be privy to what really makes things tick in this world. No ordinary set of cipher wheels, the ring you are now wearing contains two Swiss-engineered concentric circles featuring each and every one of the 26 letters of the alphabet. Just rotate the outside circle on the ring, and substitute the letters of the message we’ve sent with the corresponding letters on the inside circle, using the numeric character offset we’ve specified. Once you’ve finished decoding a message, it is best that you lay low in a dark room for at least 5-10 minutes before springing into action. Stand by for further instructions.